I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
