physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
