so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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