At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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