is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
