This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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