i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
