dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
