Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
