Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
