thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just high enough for therapy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
