wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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