you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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