Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
