I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize