Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
