I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
