My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
