i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
