I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
