I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize