He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize