Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
