Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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