Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
