He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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