the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize