somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
