My hand turned me down
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
