you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
