it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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