the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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