Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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