There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
