Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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