Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
