Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
