thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
