apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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