so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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