Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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