Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
