i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
