girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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