wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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