Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize