Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
