I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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