he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
