i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize