she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
