I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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