sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
