Buhtt sex?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The air taste purple.
Randomize