guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
