when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
