Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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