I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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