3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
