Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
