What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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