didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
