I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
