he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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