I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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