What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My ass is underappreciated
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
