alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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