He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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