you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
