Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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