wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize