I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
