he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
