this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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