we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
