I need help removing her.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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