I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
