The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
