Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
