I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
