I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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