She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
drinking out of a sandbucket again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How naked do you want me to be?
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