So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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