he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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